I can’t help it.
I am the girl who announced to my whole Earth Science class on our ninth grade overnight field trip, that while I found the constellations of the Milky Way Galaxy mildly interesting, the pot plants the neighbors were cultivating in the back of their barn were fucking amazing. Sorry Neighbors.
And sorry too, to my friend Anita because I told your mother that it was actually a fox, not the family cat that bit your finger, (Yes, we captured a fox and held it hostage for several days when we were ten years old. Don’t ask.), but I was afraid you would die of Rabies. Terrified actually, can you even imagine how long I would have been grounded if Big Judes (My Mom) found out you were foaming at the mouth and it was my fault? Forever, that’s how long.
I would like to be able to report that I am more trustworthy now that I am almost one hundred years old, but, alas, that is not the case. Just last year my friend L. ask me to keep my big trap shut about an insanely cool project she started, The Secret Agent L Project, perhaps you have heard of it?
Anyway, L ask me what I wanted for my birthday (Because she is swell that way), and I told her that I
So, in typical L fashion, L knocked that sucker out of the park by doing this. (I told you she was swell).
But then, she told me not to tell, so of course the first thing I did was tell Karey M, then I may have mentioned it to Big Judes, and also, now that I think about it, it may have come up in conversation with Mr. Fussy Pants (My Boss), but I am pretty sure I only told him to prove that I really do have friends, and he probably told me to shut up anyway, so really I only told a couple people, which is really pretty good, all things considered.
That was a year ago, I just had another Birthday, now I am pretty sure I am older than Dick Clark. I am also pretty sure that I have one of the most amazing friends in the world, and I want to blab, so go here, and here, and here too.
Then go do something nice for someone.