Thursday, August 5, 2010

We Need to Talk

There is something I think I should tell you. (Don’t you just hate when people say that? Me too, it makes me want to impale myself with the sharp end of a Snickers Bar). Here’s the deal. I cannot, do you hear me, CANNOT! Keep a secret. If you are knocked up, or you tattooed Speedy Gonzalez on your ass, and you want to confide in someone, tell your Priest, or your Doctor, or the guy in line behind you at the DMV, but whatever you do, do not tell me. I blab.

I can’t help it.

I am the girl who announced to my whole Earth Science class on our ninth grade overnight field trip, that while I found the constellations of the Milky Way Galaxy mildly interesting, the pot plants the neighbors were cultivating in the back of their barn were fucking amazing. Sorry Neighbors.

And sorry too, to my friend Anita because I told your mother that it was actually a fox, not the family cat that bit your finger, (Yes, we captured a fox and held it hostage for several days when we were ten years old. Don’t ask.), but I was afraid you would die of Rabies. Terrified actually, can you even imagine how long I would have been grounded if Big Judes (My Mom) found out you were foaming at the mouth and it was my fault?  Forever, that’s how long.

I would like to be able to report that I am more trustworthy now that I am almost one hundred years old, but, alas, that is not the case. Just last year my friend L. ask me to keep my big trap shut about an insanely cool project she started, The Secret Agent L Project, perhaps you have heard of it?

Anyway, L ask me what I wanted for my birthday (Because she is swell that way), and I told her that I was so ridiculously old that a gift would just remind me that my days were numbered, so really it would be better to skip the gift, unless of course the gift was a prescription for Prozac, because that is really the only thing that would have made me happy thought that she should do something nice, like anonymously nice, for someone else and then send me pictures, because that would make me happy, and then I would probably forget, at least for a little while, that I was practically as old as Dick Clark.

So, in typical L fashion, L knocked that sucker out of the park by doing this. (I told you she was swell).
But then, she told me not to tell, so of course the first thing I did was tell Karey M, then I may have mentioned it to Big Judes, and also, now that I think about it, it may have come up in conversation with Mr. Fussy Pants (My Boss), but I am pretty sure I only told him to prove that I really do have friends, and he probably told me to shut up anyway, so really I only told a couple people, which is really pretty good, all things considered.

That was a year ago, I just had another Birthday, now I am pretty sure I am older than Dick Clark. I am also pretty sure that I have one of the most amazing friends in the world, and I want to blab, so go here, and here, and here too.

Then go do something nice for someone.


Blues said...

Happy B-day girlie. You just did something nice for me by posting. xoxo

Whatsapp Button works on Mobile Device only

Start typing and press Enter to search