Just The Facts or Coughing Up A Fur Ball--You Decide

We interrupt today’s regularly scheduled programming for a rant about the mortgage crisis. I am sure no one wants to hear about it. If I do not release some of the pressure behind my eyes, my head is going to explode.

Less than one week ago I promised to stay off the soapbox. Here I am again. Please forgive me; I am planning a Google search for anger management classes at the conclusion of this post.

I am no expert. I probably should not be offering opinions. You are welcome to leave now, or stick around to tell me what a twit- bird I am.

In response to all of the ridiculosity I have experienced lately I have this to say -


If you are the unfortunate recipient of a so-called adjustable rate, exotic, liar, zero interest, NINA, NIVA, NINJA, Step, 100%, Rub a dub dub three men in a tub loan. You are screwed. There is no act of Congress, or God that will help you. The truth is you are a Dumb Ass. Anyone who chooses an adjustable product when mortgage interest rates are at record lows and real estate prices are at record highs is an idiot. This includes you.

Please admit your greed. Tell the truth. You mismanaged your credit. You cheated on your taxes. You were unable to save even a modest down payment on the American dream. You were arrogant to believe that you did not need any type of homebuyer education. You knew what you were doing remember? Now deal with it.

If you are one of the jack asses that pulled imaginary equity out of your house (multiple times in some cases) to finance vacations, swimming pools, pay off credit card debt or buy a new set of double D boobs, sorry about your luck. You are the one who gave up your 30 year fixed loan in favor of an adjustable mortgage, because the introductory rate was only 5.5%. If you cannot make the payment on a house you have owned for ten years and you cannot sell the home because values in your area are 40% lower than the inflated appraisal you received from your buddies at Countrywide, tough shit. Let the house go back. Live in your BMW. The one you leased with cash from your last re-fi.

To the US Treasury Department, for taking over Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Thanks, your check is in the mail. 200 Billion? No, problem. I believe you when you say that it will probably be much less. That is what you said before the take over right? That there was not going to be a take over. Right? Tell all of those bond and Preferred stock holders not to worry about a thing. America has got their asses covered.

I love the time out analogy. Yes, let's put Fanny and Freddie in time out, so the new administration can deal with them later. In fact, let’s wash their mouths out with soap while we are at it to prove we are good parents. Even though we have left the little darlings unattended while they fabricated their balance sheets. Much like the bad children of Enron before them.

To all of the fine men and women of the US Congress.. I seem to remember that you were the ones encouraging Freddie and Fannie to loosen their credit standards so that “Every American could enjoy the privilege of homeownership.”

Guess what? Not every American should own a home. It is a privilege. Homeownership should be reserved for the people who have shown a history of stable employment, residency, and credit management. Believe me when I tell you that is not “every American”.

At the peak of the housing bubble I seem to remember all of you singing the praises of Alan Greenspan, home builders, mortgage lenders, and gullible home buyers. Did this have anything to do with the Freddie and Fannie lobbyists on Capitol Hill? You remember them right? The ones that have spent 170 million dollars lobbying since 1998. The people who contributed 19.3 million dollars to republican and democratic campaigns since 1990. They were fined a record 3.8 million dollars for violating Election laws. Remember? You fat bastards ate the food, played the golf, cast the votes, and looked the other way while Freddie and Fannie (private companies) grew to the size of Violet Beauregarde at the chocolate factory, insuring over 60% of the mortgages originated in the United States and 95% of loans sold on the secondary market. Could money be the reason that so little has been said about the corruption within the organization? Who will pay for your campaigns now?

You encouraged foreign investment in Freddie and Fannie with your US Government guarantees and now are being forced to put up or shut up. China demands it, the health of the US economy requires it, the world markets are counting on it. The problem is you are putting up my money. All of our money.

This is the part where I will try to compose myself. The HCK…HCK…HCK… you are hearing is me trying to cough up this fur ball. Here is my bottom line. The point of this hateful rant.

Please remember that Fannie and Freddie ARE NOT and NEVER HAVE BEEN sub-prime lenders. Sub-prime mortgages were the paper that Freddie and Fannie would not buy. They were the finance companies like New Century and Option 1 who were encouraged to run amuck without regulation by our lawmakers. The end result was the implosion of the industry and the failure of over 250 banks and financial institutions in the last three years. We are not at the bottom. This is not just about mortgages. The mortgage debacle is a symptom of economy’s problems. If you are not familiar with the Housing Reform Act that was signed by President Bush July 30th. please read it. This is your government's answer to the problem.

Go vote. When you do, remember that the people you elect at the state and local levels are as important as the people you send to the White House. Keep in mind that Freddie and Fannie have made contributions to both Barack Obama and John McCain this year. The Mayor you elect today could be our Vice President four years from now.

Facts or Fur-balls?
You decide.

(insert crickets)
Out-T.

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