Who Is This Craig Guy Anyway?

As if I do not have enough stupidity in my life already, yesterday I discovered craigslist (I know, I know, I am the last person alive).
All I can say is HOLY CRAP, is it safe for these people to be left unattended?

Lest you think I am overreacting, have a look for yourself.

Multiple Seating Furniture Pieces for Sale - $1 (Richardson)
Date: 2009-12-28, 2:17PM CSTReply to:

They are called chairs Dumbass! CHAIRS!

Hooker Game Table - $150 (Flower Mound)
Date: 2009-12-28, 11:57AM CSTReply to:

EEWWWW! What kind of games do hookers play on this table? Does it come with hand sanitizer?

2 Z GALLERIE Abstract Framed Prints Paid $119 each - $120 (Lakewood) Date: 2009-12-28, 1:15PM CSTReply to:

OK, so, let me see if I understand this, you paid $119 for this ugly shit and you want me to pay $120? Fuck me.

PAIR OVAL-TIPPI HEDREN MIRRORS WITH BIRDS AND BRANCHES - $100 (DALLAS)
Date: 2009-12-28, 1:10PM CSTReply to:

They sound fabulous! Wait, does this mean they will peck my eyes out when I get them home? I am not falling for it lady, keep your creepy bird mirrors. And p.s. You can suck my Alfred Hitchcock.

Who's got a working parking meter - $1 (Arlington)
Date: 2009-12-28, 12:24PM CSTReply to:
Looking for a non digital working parking meter in good shape. The one you put coins in to operate. must work and have the violation flag in it. needed for kids who cant seem to stay off the Wii. Thanks Mark

Do they make a "Grow Some Marbles" game for Wii? I think it would be money better spent. Seriously, Mark, with all due respect, you are a Dipshit. You don’t need a parking meter. You need a shoe. Whack those little Bastards with your manly size 10s a couple times and they will turn off the Wii. Guaranteed.

LIVING ROOM FURNITURE FOR SALE - $150500 (DOWNTOWN DALLAS)
Date: 2009-12-27, 9:06PM CSTReply to:

Is it just me, or does this seem a little pricey?

Table and chairs. Great condition - $100 (Lewisville)
Date: 2009-12-20, 11:11AM CSTReply to:

This is an unbelievable deal. You are lucky to be reading this right now. The kitchen table below is for sale for one hundred dollars. was either hand crafted by people indigenous to China, or possibly made by machines. Maybe, it was a combination. No one really knows, and that is what makes this item so special and so rare.

It comes with 4 chairs. I know you are saying "But wait, I don't have 3 friends; Why would I need all these chairs?" Look, if you saw field of dreams (and I know you did), if you buy it, they will come. Buy the table, and before you know it, you will have a house swarming with dead baseball players. I have a feeling this was shoeless Joe Jackson's actual kitchen table (I can't prove this).

Table Features:

1. 4 legs, I know I know you have two legs, 4 is just weird. Look, consider it extra redundancy

2. A top. This is probably the most important feature. Without it, you are just sitting there trying to balance 4 posts on end. Why would you do that? I guess what I am saying, is I am not trying to part this out so don't ask if you can just buy the chairs and legs. I can't bare to split up the set.

3. Chairs I should have made chairs item 4 as not to confuse you. Please do not assume that there are only 3 chairs because this is item 3 and starts with "3. chairs" I assure you there are 4.

4. Leaf clover (that was really dumb) There is a leaf that makes this table expand to seat many many many people. But a reminder, the chairs, there are 4 and only 4. Think of the leaf as a way to move your unpleasant friends / family further from you during meals so you can eat without having them so close to you. This feature alone is worth $100.

5. There is no fifth feature. Seriously, it is a table what else do you want from it? You are so demanding.
Date: 2009-12-27, 9:06PM CSTReply to:

I can’t “bare” it either!

Dude, your Grandma is going to be pissed when she finds out you are trying to sell her shit on craigslist. Get out of the basement, there is a whole big world out here!

This is just great, now where the hell will I spend the Christmas dough Big Judes sent? I can’t go to Wal-mart for fear that someone will take my picture!

Out-
T