Saturday, February 20, 2010

Kinkos Blow (Up) Job

Let's pretend that this photo has something to do with the following entry without acknowledging the fact that I am just too lazy to take a relevant picture for you. Shall we?


Did you know that Hobby Lobby has custom frames (unclaimed for whatever reason) 80% off right now? I was shocked too; I thought that only happened in July. In fact, when I discovered them I was so overwhelmed with lust that I started making out with a handsome silver leaf devil right in the middle of the clearance aisle. It was embarrassing to say the least.

Anyway, it was not until I got home with a shit load of these gigantic things that I realized that most of them were not standard sizes.

Can you say DAMMIT?
All together now: DAMMIT!

Don't worry, this story has a happy ending.

FedEx Kinkos (or whatever they call themselves this week) can make photo enlargements, if you are willing to pay them a million dollars. I think it is understood that I am not. What they don’t tell you is that for the cost of a cheese enchilada you can print humongo images that you stole from the internets of your own compositions on rolled architectural bond paper. Maximum width is 36” for black and white and 40” for color in any length.

I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.

Like crack without all the addiction/tooth loss issues, right?

I can imagine that about now you are wishing that you had my phone number so that you could call me for the hook up, (ok, maybe not. Shut up, it's my imagination not yours), but that won't be necessary. I am feeling all sharey this morning. Don't say I never gave you anything.

Kinkos Blow (Up) Job Instructions-

1. Optimize your stolen image lovely artwork to 300 dpi. (Here is a free program if you need it, you can also enlarge the image in inches to fit your frame. Cool, yes?). Then go Here and find the Kinko’s closest to your office so you can lie to your boss and tell him that you are running to the drugstore for feminine products and be back to work in a reasonable period of time.

Upload the image with instructions to the Kinkos dude who is not aware that he is about to be your new best friend. Then go give your new best friend your lunch money and he will give you your cool ass picture. Buy a can of spray adhesive while you are there.

2. Adhere your cool ass picture to foam core or similar sturdy cardboard you have taking up space in the front seat of your car. (Sayonara, Mr. Wonderful) and mount it inside your frame. I didn’t worry about glass mostly because I am cheap because I like the way it looks as is, but you can add it if you want.

3. A word of warning. The paper is not photo quality, it is blue print paper so you have to be a little careful (Read: Don't try it drunk) when attaching it to your foam core or you will fuck it up (Does that sound like the voice of experience talking? It is).

Now that I have the hang of it, I am seriously considering wallpaper.
Might as well think big right?

Out-
T.

2 comments:

formerly fun said...

Oh this is good to know, thanks for the intel.

Tobi said...

FF- Oh my goodness, I woke up thinking "Bus Scrolls" the Kinkos dude is in for it!