Monday, October 13, 2008

I Feel Pretty

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity Any girl who isn't me tonight.






What could be causing all of these feelings of prettiness? I am not sure. I have never been a girl prone to pretty. As a child, when presented with a butterfly it would have been more likely that I would have pulled its wings off (in the name of science, of course) than admired its beauty. At the tender age of five, Yours Truly, the maladjusted borderline sociopath hell child was chosen as the muse in a Winnie the Pooh fashion show. A grand event in two parts: the first, a runway spectacular at White Lakes Mall where it was always a comfortable 72 degrees, then the Pièce de résistance, an appearance on the early news show on WIBW TV in Topeka Kansas. Big Judes (my mom) was understandably skeptical when I agreed to participate.

“You know you will have to wear the outfit they give you, even if it is a dress, or pink, you will have to wear it.” Judes warned. “You cannot change your mind at the last minute”. Translated, this means, "If you show your ass on local television and make it necessary for me to resign my position as kindergarten room mother because of your inappropriate behavior I will never forgive you". She had good reason to be cautious.

As predicted when the day of the fashion show came, I changed my mind. There was no way I was walking out in front of all of those people in a tartan plaid jumper and coordinating beret adorned with a giant green pom-pom. No amount of “Don’t you look pretty!” could convince me otherwise. I am not pretty! I hate pretty! I refuse to be pretty!
Judes was beside herself.

Judes: “Tobi, please just put it on.”
T: “No way.”
Judes: “It is pretty really, it is”
T: “No”
Judes: “Just do it for me… dammit, just… do… it…for. me...or. Else!”
T: “NO, NO, NO!”
Judes: “The shoes, have you seen the shoes? Look!”
T: “Can I keep them?”
Judes: “Yes, if you do this you can keep them.”
T: “Promise?”
Judes: “YES!”

The shoes clinched the deal. They were shiny brown loafers, the color of fresh brownies. Each one had a new penny in a slot on the front. They were pretty! I shuffled down the catwalk never taking my eyes off the shoes, enjoying each click-clack they made on the runway. Later at the television studio, I took my place at the right of Winnie. I inserted my left finger firmly in my left nostril. In spite of the frantic arm waving and mouthed admonitions from adults off camera including Big Judes, I kept it there for the duration of the broadcast. This was my silent protest, against pretty and Pooh. I am still slightly uncomfortable with pretty.

When Susannah informed me that she had nominated me for a blog award, well you had better believe I went right away to pick it up. And here it is--

“This blog invests and believes, in ‘proximity’ meaning, that blogging makes us 'close'. They are all charming blogs, and the majority of them aim to show the marvels of friendship; there are persons who are not interested when we give them a prize, and then they help to cut these bows; do we want that they are cut, or that they propagate? Then let’s try to give more attention to them! So with this prize we must deliver it to eight bloggers that in turn must make the same thing and put this text.”

Isn't it pretty? Anyone who thinks that I am not interested in a prize clearly does not know me. I would wrestle you for a prize, so I gratefully accept this pretty award, thankful that I did not have to wrestle anyone for it, and no, my finger is not in my nose.

I would like to pass it on to the following pretty bloggers.
In random order:

mackin ink


with love from pittsburgh


whale ears and other wonderings


house of beauty and culture


blue streak


lil bee


There you go, a prize as good as shiny pennies, with butterflies, in Portuguese, for believing in proximity... may you wear it well.

I feel charming, Oh, so charming It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty That I hardly can believe I'm real. See the pretty girl in that mirror there: Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face, Such a pretty dress, Such a pretty smile...Out-T.

image:emrussian.homestead.com

10 comments:

Petunia Face said...

Don't you look precious there in your pink proximity Portuguese party dress! But see! I didn't say pretty! So please walk down that runway and work it! :)

The House of Beauty and Culture said...

I hope, should Big Judes ever bring it up, you will point out that there were far worse places you could have stuck your finger in protest, like Pooh for example.

And, thank you. Really, it is I who should be bestowing the honour on you, your tales and refreshing style never cease to make me smile if not outright laugh.

L said...

Yowza, Miss Tobi! THANK YOU! I am so honored, my dear, and blushing like mad right now. But I have to agree with House of Beauty and Culture: it is we who should be honoring you. I cannot imagine my days without your words, your wisdom, your humor, your sweetness. Bless you, My One and Only Tobi. Thank you!

big hugs from Pittsburgh...

karey m. said...

oh. my. god.

you were esme. that means, she's going to be...

oh my.

{and thank you for my reward-award!}

Connie said...

What a lovely award and I am honored to receive it. I promise to uphold my duty as awardee and nominate other pretty bloggers so we may spread blog beauty across the web... and something something about world peace too... **curtsy, giggle**

As mom to a 5yo Fairy Princess going Goth (thanks to Raven of the Teen Titans), whose first set of nicknames included 'Miss Chaos', I've learned that you simply do NOT attempt to push, coerce, jedi mind trick, or otherwise attempt to manipulate a strong-willed intelligent girl-child. No. It will not work. It will backfire. All you can do is set a good example, hand over the keys and other tools and implements, then stand back. I accept that while my daughter may wear a pretty dress and unicorn costume for Halloween... she'll likely want dark makeup and black boots too, but don't hold her to that (and I'll post pics no matter what..)

Tobi said...

S- Please, pardon my pronounced lack of propriety. I do not think I properly thanked you for this pulchritudinous Portuguese prize.

HBC- Thank you for your kind (too kind) words. Next time Big J. reminds me of this particular indiscretion, as I am quite sure she will, (most likely at our next large family gathering) I think I will point out how lucky that pseudo bear really was!

L- If there is anyone who deserves a Portuguese proximity award it is you, because you are just all kinds of pretty.

Karey- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. If I had not seen photographic evidence of the pouf incident, I would be trying to reassure you right now.

C- An emo unicorn? How fabulous is that? I look forward to the pictures. I always thought that my life would have been so much easier if I had gotten at least one of those slow moving doe eyed children that marched in step like baby ducks. That apparently was too much to ask for—the whole apple/tree thing, and all. I think you have the right attitude.

Simple Answer said...

Totally off subject...Love that rebound in the market. (referencing your previous post) And you have your wisdom in print. Can it get any better? One more reason to hang on your every word...

Bluestreak said...

awwwwwwwwwww thanksssssssss TOBIIIIIIIII.

:)

It´s a happy day.

Tobi said...

sa- I was fully prepared to concede my stupidity today if necessary—maybe tomorrow. I think it will be a wild ride for a while.

bs- come baaaccck... please do not delete me! I swear I will never do it again (So, swear is a little strong, I will TRY not to do it again--Kay?)

The Lil Bee said...

Tobes! I'm so honored! I will get on it, stat. Merci:)