This is the first installment of "Ask me Anything" (Thank you, OHJ for coming to my rescue).
It is my attempt to make up for the lame Eight-Ball post that appeared instead of the traditional "100 Things About Me" entry in celebration of post 100 on this blog. I suck, I know, Sorry. blah blah... Anyway here are the answers to the burning questions that inquiring minds want to know.
The question “Did you ever drive or ride in a Gremlin?”
No. I did, however, ruin my chance for true love in the eighth grade when I made Mike Brown (The most beautiful boy in the world) look like a douche in front of Mrs. Burton's Social Studies class by correctly answering the final question in the Friday current events game.
The question: Name an AMC Vehicle.
His answer: Vega.
A dumb answer made even more humiliating because A) He was a boy and B) His family owned a chain of car dealerships. As much as I wanted him to marry me, I wanted to win more. I answered the question correctly (Gremlin). The crowd went wild. Mike Brown never spoke to me again. I had the gift of emasculation even then.
The Question “Did you attend more than 1 prom?” “Do you still have your prom dress? If so, have you worn it in the past 5 years for any reason?"
No. No. And No. I was much too cool for prom. I do remember having an unnatural attraction to fingerless lace gloves.
The Question “Do you own a gun? Sometimes wish you did? Have a secret list of those who might see the business end of it?”
If I owned a gun, the streets of Fort Worth Texas would be littered with wounded Mailmen, Trash men, old men, Salesmen, Weathermen, UPS men, lawn guys, cowboys, clowns. I would put a cap in all of their asses. Just because I could. Armadillos, I would totally murder Armadillos. I would shoot out the tires of any car displaying a “My kid is on the honor roll” bumper sticker. Lest you think I would discriminate while on my murderous rampage I have saved a few bullets for Mary Kay ladies, Sonic Drive- In car hops, and all members of any home owners association lawn beautification committees. They would all be sorry! I think it is better for everyone if I do not carry a weapon.
Sugar Daddy (The boyfriend formerly known as Doo-Doo head) is deaf as a stone. Unfortunate for him. Highly amusing for me. I relish each opportunity to interpret what he thinks he just heard. This is greatness in my opinion. I never pass up the opportunity to lie for my own entertainment.
Case in point: Pizza guy delivers pizza. Sugar Daddy pays. I stand at the door trying to resist the urge to tear the pizza box from the delivery guys hands and help myself to a slice right in the middle of the living room.
The delivery guy takes the proffered loot then asks SD " Do you want any cheese or red pepper?" (As in packets of Parmesan and pepper flakes).
I shake my head no and close the door.
SD still looks slightly confused (This is where the greatness comes in).
I wait for a slow count of ten to give pizza guy time to get back to his car.
Then I turn to SD and say " I can't believe you let him talk to you like that!"
SD ( Being the macho caveman in metro-sexual clothing that he is) responds " What did he say?"
Me- "Something about you being a cheap old' effer... Didn't you tip him?
SD- " I want my $5 back, I will kick his tattooed ass!"
See what I mean? Hilarious.
Well kids, that does it for this weeks installment of Ask me Anything. Keep those cards and letters coming. I will be here next week. same time, same place to give you more answers to questions that no one really cares to hear the answers to.