Yesterday while I was kvetching about how stupid and impossible writing 100 things about myself in celebration of post 100 was turning out to be, Sugar Daddy (The boyfriend formerly known as Doo-Doo Head) decided for some reason that it might be helpful (and possibly make me shut the hell up ) if he stuck his giant egg shaped cranium between my face and the computer screen. The poor man is desperate for attention.
I suppressed the urge to shriek (again) about his insensitivity to my plight and chastise him for behaving like a twelve year old, or a pug with distemper. Instead, I tried to smile sweetly which I am sure looked more like the grimace of trapped gas than the affirmation of my love and affection I had hoped for. I grabbed both of his cute, if not slightly floppy, ears. I gave a slight twist to his oversized skull to indicate playfulness, but not enough force to reveal my true intention to snap his neck like a matchstick if he persisted in this torment.
I said through clenched teeth with as much fake gleeful enthusiasm for this nonsense as I could muster,
T: “You have cold ears”
SD: “Oh, Thanks. You know, you would freak out if I said something like that to you “
SD: “What is that supposed to mean? Is that blog speak? Like hearting, or puffy hearting Miss. Bitchy Mc Bitcherton? Why don’t you just speak English? If you are trying to tell me that I am lame or stupid just say THAT. OK? Why do you have to speak in code? What are old gears?
SD: “Old gears? –Jesus, that’s rude!”
T: I think we should talk about whose blog you have been reading. I will have you know that I have never hearted or puffy hearted in my life!