I should have listened to Nancy Reagan. Maybe I am screwed right now because I thought I knew more than Nancy did. It is possible. I bet I am not the first person who ignored Nancy and lived to regret it. Dammit, I should have just said no.
I have no problem telling Girl Scouts, Avon Ladies and annoying missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints to piss off. That is right. I told Sister Laura and Sister Karen to take a hike. “Get off my porch before I go all Jehovah’s Witness on you” I believe is what I said. I can say no. Usually.
Sometimes my mouth writes checks my ass can’t cash. Today for example, Mr. Fussy Pants (My Add, OCD boss) came in to my office.
Tobi thought: It is Saturday for God's Sake. Go away and leave me alone. Shouldn’t you be playing Warcraft or something? Those shoes are ugly. Skechers? Hello?…Dork.
Tobi Said: "What’s up?"
Fussy: “How is your new house coming along, is it still a big mess?”
Tobi Thought: Big mess? Projects. Those are PROJECTS, damn you! Normal people do not live in operating rooms. Sterile is not a décor style. Tell your wife I said so. Big mess, Pffft… Why all the questions Deputy Fife?
Tobi Said: “It is fabulous. You should see it.”
Tobi Thought: Hell, I am going to hell. Liar-Liar pants on fire.
Fussy: "Good I have a client who may want to buy it. We had a deal working on a house in your neighborhood but it fell apart. I want to set an appointment to show it on Sunday. Is 2:00 all right? It is not a mess is it."
Tobi Thought: NONONO! It is a mess- A huge mess- A hot mess- there is poodle barf on the carpet- OHMYGODNOOOOOO- Laundryanddishesandhaironthecountertops…NO WAY! SAY NO!
Tobi Said: "2:00 is fine. I am telling you right now I will not sell it cheap. It is way too fabulous!"
Tobi Thought: Shit- I should have listened to Nancy.
So now what? Now I clean like a crazy person. Because, clearly, I am a crazy person. Potentially a homeless crazy person.
Out- (Of my mind) T.