Saturday, August 30, 2008

Please Don't Call Them Precious Ones


This senasative New York Mom is desparately seeking a live in nanny for her four "pain in the ass" kids, so she placed this frivilous 1000 word ad on Craigslist. Maybe I am being judgemental but I think her money may be better spent on a good Spell Check program.
Do you think she is for real, or is she looking for a book deal?

"The employer turns out to be one Rebecca Land Soodak, a 40-year-old painter and aspiring writer who is married to the owner of Union Square Wines and Spirits. The family lives in a duplex in the East 80s — they own the six-story building, which includes a studio apartment for the nanny — and in a country house in northwest Connecticut."


Live in Nanny Needed for 4 kids (Pls don't call
them "Precious Ones") (Upper East Side)
Reply to:
Date: 2008-08-19, 9:04PM EDT
My kids are a pain in the ass. Just in the past hour, i have had to tell each one to do something more
than once. oldest: can i have soda? it's just a sprite? please? can i? no, no and no.
the next one...don't even get me started. seriously.
the twin six year olds: one wanted dessert before her dinner was over, one kept wanting to know why
I wouldn't let nine year olds swing her around by her limbs. (the fear of a dislocated shoulder did
nothing.)
Please help me.
I can be a tad difficult to work for. I'm loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, i am no
longer sure. i work from home, so you get the pleasure of being hounded by me all day long. and, you
get to pretend to like me, because i am deeply sensative. (but well dressed and a know it all, a winning
combination I assure you.)
If you cannot multi task, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don't even bother
replying.
If you are the type who doesn't notice crumbs on the table, skip to the next post, because crumbs are a
deal breaker. they put me over the edge.
i have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgemental about ritalin for
adhd, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal break city.
You do get a separate entrance excellent studio on the ues. you do get air conditioner and internet
connection and cable. even hbo. and showtime. you can bring your spouse, roommate or partner, but
sorry no kids. If you ask, can i bring my kid, the answer will be...anyone? anyone? No.
If you can cook, all the better. otherwise, i'll teach you all sorts of things about pasta. (Here's a freebie,
butter and parmesean, mmmmmm)
If you know anything about chess and violin i will be impressed.
We are not snobs, which is good. but then again, my kid sometimes swears to make a point. (We're
working on it, but halfheartedly, because, well the apple doesn't fall far from the fucking
tree.)Although I am told they are all very bright, they have not mastered the use of the oh so
complicated napkin. This is a napkin Junior, say it after me...Nap Kin. Good boy.
i am not looking for Super nanny, or anyone who wants this job because they will love my kids as if
they are their own. you won't. really. they are infinitely lovable, but trust me, they're mine and you
will move on when your journey with us is over, and save for some funny stories and a delightful
email every now and again, you won't grieve. Nor will we. (okay, we did all grieve a few of our past
sitters, oddly they were all named Sarah or Kate, or Nikki. And Leah. Leah was delightful, even if she
did drop my twin babies off our couch during a family gathering. Good times.
I don't want someone who has a lot of theories on the right way to raise kids, because in the end, I'm
just a woman doing my best. I'm willing to learn from you, or anyone, but not so much about how i should parent my spawn. teach me to knit. introduce me to yoga, the white stripes, russian literature or
the best place to get a burger in the village at 2Am, but do not tell me to put star stickers on a good
boy chart. stickers irritate me.
If you are fundamentally unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do
us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the Rockies, but do not apply for employment with
us. Also, if you suspect all wealthy women are frivilous, we are not for you. I do not want to hide my
occasional bergdorf shopping bag.
If you smoke, please quit. don't apply either, but please quit. i have known too many people diagnosed
with cancer this year. Even if you are a judgemental nanny 911 wannabe, no one should have to
endure some of the things I have wittnessed.
You gotta be able to drive with a valid license, but if you've ever hit a human,move to the next post.
You won't have to drive in the city, but if we go to our weekend place together, or if you make it to the
summer and still work for us, we need you to run into town to get some pink milk, so be able to drive
a mini van.
Can you swim? Swimming is good.
If you do drugs or drink enough so that you are grumpy in the morning and grumpier at night prior to
that next cocktail, call AA, and peruse craigslist childcare positions when you have a year sober. I'll
probably be looking again, and now is the time for you to focus on yourself anyway.
I need a team player. I need someone to back me up when it comes to remembering when the library
books are due, and whether i have rsvped to that birthday party yet.
Help me dear G-d keep track of our skim milk supply and also, also, also, what should I make for
dinner tomorrow night?
the hours are 7 in the morning to 8:30 in the morning. We'd be in it together, getting the kids out with
clean faces, brushed teeth and some food in their bellies. Doesn't that sound easy? Doesn't that sound
doable?
Then come on back for a fun filled afternoon 2:15-8:15 of activities and playdates and snacks and
dinners and homework and riveting conversations about global warming, hannah montana and guitar
hero.
When you do get to go home (to that swanky studio and possibly a significant other or buddy) your
time off will be respected. If I would like you to give extra hours, i'll ask. if you say yes, you get paid
15/ hour. if you say no, I will not fire you or hate you. Except if it is a school holiday or if i have a
sick kid, then i might ask, and unless you have a final exam worth 2/3 of your grade or tix The Lion
King, you may need to help out.
Okay, if you're still reading this ad, it means:
a) i am a halfway decent writer and maybe i really will get that book deal i'm yearning for
b) you need a job desparately
c) you think this just might be destiny, and that you could be one of the few, the proud, the potential
babysitter of our dreams.
D) you want all the information about job requirements, so that you can write me emails about how I
should stay home with my kids otherwise they are going to grow up to be sociopaths. (If my pen pal is
out there, wassup? Found love yet? No? How 'bout that.)
best of luck to all of you in your search for a job. Seriously. Job searching sucks. No two ways about
it.
RLS
Live in Nanny Needed for 4 kids (Pls don't call them "Precious... http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/kid/804253499.html
2 of 3 8/27/08 5:59 PM
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 804253499

Out-T.

8 comments:

Connie said...

If this is for real - I give the mom credit for honesty.

L said...

The freelance editor in me is currently throwing up in my mouth a little bit.

with love from Pittsburgh...

The Lil Bee said...

I had to stop reading after the part about her supposedly intelligent children not being able to master the art of the napkin. Can't you just FEEL the love?!

karey m. said...

you know i never really hate. i hate hate. despise it.

i may hate a wee bit in this case...

not her! just that writing. and that content. ugh.

i like your words better. see? i ended positively.

Petunia Face said...

I had an immediate gut reaction: I don't like this woman. Not so much for being such a beeyotch to her kids, but because she thinks she is so hip in an angry mean way.

But I do like you.

Tobi said...

All careless BS aside, I think finding someone to take care of your young children demands a certain amount of seriousness. Who wants a nanny that believes you think your kids are a pain in the ass? This seems reckless to me. In addition, publicly picking on children? Heinous. Does she kick puppies too?

On a lighter note—Happy Birthday S.
Did you pawn off -- I mean give away your fossil yet? KIDDING!!

Old House Junkie said...

Frankly, I think this sounds like a job for me. . . a cool rent-free studio in NYC? 5 hours off mid-day to do as I please? I don't have to like or respect the children or the boss? Where do I sign up?????

I think the author of this post is getting her 15 minutes, just as she hoped when she posted it. Good on her, just hope her kids don't take it seriously. ohj

Tobi said...

OHJ= Jeez, I never even thought of the free apt. angle. I could be a crappy mom stand in for a few hours a day!