Sunday, June 1, 2008

I Am Sorry I Called You A Doo-Doo Head

It seems that lately I am apologizing a lot. I don't know if that is because I am doing or saying more things that need apologizing for, or because the people I hang out with are big whiny babies who get their "yittle feewengs" hurt too easily. Either way, I keep apologizing.

I have two great regrets in life. (Two that I want to mention, anyway). The first one is: I can't sing. I would give almost anything to be able to sing like Patsy Cline. If the devil would offer me the Robert Johnson deal, I would take it in a minute. Where do I sign?

My second regret is that I am not nice. I am practical. I am logical. If you need a plan, I am the person to call. If you are looking for sympathy or tenderness, you have the wrong number. I do have moments of kindness, but I am not nice. I admire nice people. I wish I could be nice.
I want to be nice, Dammit!

I want to be the girl that other girls want to dish with. I have never been that girl. I am the girl you don't want to piss off. I am the girl that will tell you your boyfriend is a louse and you are better off without him. I will offer to help you plot your revenge. I will mix you a strong cocktail, then tell you to get over it. I don't have it in me to say "I know how you feel", or "Everything happens for a reason" and mean it. Meaning it is the hard part. I have no interest in faux nice. I want to be genuinely nice.

Today is June first. The half way point for 2008. Six months ago I made a New Year's Resolution: "I will be nice, no matter what". It lasted two days. I was doing just fine. I was avoiding conflict. I was the poster girl for anger management, then some dumb ass pissed me off -and that was that.
I have decided to try again. This time I am setting the bar slightly lower. The year is half over. (I guess in the spirit of optimism I should say, "I still have half the year to go"). My new resolution is: "I will be half way nice, no matter what". Starting now...

I am sorry I called you a Doo-Doo Head. I understand why being called a Doo-Doo Head might upset you.

By the way, I love your shoes. I had some just like that two years ago.

I only committed to half nice.

Barb said...

I swear you are living in my head... thankfully you are a much better writer than I, and I can just enjoy reading it!

Tobi said...

Now see, you have left a perfectly nice comment, and here I am struggling to respond in kind.
If I say, "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" is that nice? Maybe not if you're a Wildcat Fan...What about this?
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I see you survived the electric experience or did you procrastinate or did DDHBF come to your rescue?

People think I'm nice, but I'm not. In fact, I kinda get peeved by people thinking I'm nice. My mother, she was nice. I'm relatively polite and I bite my tongue alot-guess that passes for nice nowadays.

The two thoughts I live by: 1. What goes around comes around. 2. Just because you think it doesn't mean you have to say it. If you want people to think you're nice, just bite your tongue. You can bite it really hard several times a day and it won't get hurt too bad.

I guess it's kinda lame to only have two thoughts to live by, but I'm sure you're too nice to tell me that.

Keep me laughin' oldhousejunkie

Tobi said...

I chickened out on the high voltage trapeze act. A metal ladder didn't seem like a good idea. I used the tickets for Sex and the City instead! I thought about taking the fabu light fixtures along to the show but DDHBF refused to be seen with us.
My threat inspired him to call an electrician...My kind'a guy!

I am adopting your rules.
Biting my tounge-T.

karey m. said...

i'm actually not very nice in my head. but only a select few know this...

and nice? it's a lot. of. work.

i think i like you better when you're...ascerbic? biting? disdainful?

{there's a compliment in there!}

Tobi said...

Unfortunately, some people find my mordacious tendencies off putting, not so much due to my lack of etiquette, more so because of their fear of rabies.
( I totally plagiarized that sentence) I amuse me.

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