Friday, January 22, 2010

Thank Oprah it’s Friday.

It is a really good thing that it’s Friday. The odds of me making it one hour longer (let alone another day) in the fifth circle of hell--commonly known as Fussy & Bitchy Inc.-- without committing a prosecutable offense that carries a mandatory prison sentence of at least twenty-five to life, were practically nil today.

I was torn between arson and worrying a squirrel. I am not sure how to worry a squirrel, exactly. Do you turn down the volume and hide the remote when Oprah comes on? That worries my mom. I’m not sure about squirrels.

Squirrel worrying is against the law in Missouri. I don’t think it carries a mandatory prison term, except, of course, if you are holding someone’s head underwater in the employee break room sink while you do it.

I am pretty sure that is illegal in all fifty states.

Since there were no squirrels in the break room (with the possible exception of the rodent-esque maintenance guy who was trying to figure out why the internet service is screwed up again), I was leaning toward arson. Except, I couldn’t find an accelerant. The maintenance guy does not know how lucky he is.

In the end, I scrapped the arson idea and decided to eat all of the Twinkies out of the lunch bags in the refrigerator.

That caused quite a ruckus.

Thank Oprah it’s Friday. By Monday, the Twinkies should be a distant memory.

I hope.

Have a swell weekend.

Connie said...

Arson probably worries squirrels.

Tobi said...

And hopefully squirrelly cable guys, because it is now Tuesday, and my internet is still about as reliable as the rhythm method.

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