It is a really good thing that it’s Friday. The odds of me making it one hour longer (let alone another day) in the fifth circle of hell--commonly known as Fussy & Bitchy Inc.-- without committing a prosecutable offense that carries a mandatory prison sentence of at least twenty-five to life, were practically nil today.
I was torn between arson and worrying a squirrel. I am not sure how to worry a squirrel, exactly. Do you turn down the volume and hide the remote when Oprah comes on? That worries my mom. I’m not sure about squirrels.
Squirrel worrying is against the law in Missouri. I don’t think it carries a mandatory prison term, except, of course, if you are holding someone’s head underwater in the employee break room sink while you do it.
I am pretty sure that is illegal in all fifty states.
Since there were no squirrels in the break room (with the possible exception of the rodent-esque maintenance guy who was trying to figure out why the internet service is screwed up again), I was leaning toward arson. Except, I couldn’t find an accelerant. The maintenance guy does not know how lucky he is.
In the end, I scrapped the arson idea and decided to eat all of the Twinkies out of the lunch bags in the refrigerator.
That caused quite a ruckus.
Thank Oprah it’s Friday. By Monday, the Twinkies should be a distant memory.
Have a swell weekend.