Friday, July 18, 2008

The Man Hunt

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (555) 555-6420 and ask for Daisy.

There is no time to waste. I must find a husband! I have taken stock of my situation and informed Sugar Daddy (The boyfriend formerly known as Doo-Doo Head) of my plan to replace him.

I must admit I was a little disappointed with his reaction to my "Dear John" announcement. Instead of the torrent of man tears and promises of large sparkling engagement rings, what I got sounded a lot like an involuntary snort followed by a snide "Let me know how that works out for you." He is putting up a brave front.

The first step on my marketing plan is a classified ad. I am using the above example as my model. With a few adjustments, I am positive I will have suitors lined up at the door of the New Digs.

Daisy, the creator of this bit of matrimonial genius garnered over 650 responses to her query. Can you imagine all the free dinners? In fact, Daisy is now living in the lap of luxury.

If a Labrador Retriever can get a date, I should have no problems.


The Lil Bee said...

You freakin' kill me! Please please please tell us of your impending dating trials and tribulations.

Tobi said...

Bee-You all will be the first ones to hear! I will apologize in advance.

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