Saturday, July 26, 2008

Post #95--What I Did On My Summer Vacation

I wanted to post yesterday. I had good intentions. In observation of guideline #1 in the “I Will Make 100 Posts to This Blog in 100 Days Even If They Are Crappy Handbook”, I sat at the computer for the allotted one-hour period. I made an effort to produce a post that would at least be moderately interesting per the guideline. At the end of that hour, I had nuthin, nada.

I did manage to check out all of my favorite blogs. A violation of the rules, but enjoyable nonetheless. First, I went to Petunia Face. Susannah had not posted yet either, which made me totally happy, because now I had an excuse to waste a little more of my one hour. I probably would have felt at least a little guilty if she had already turned in another one of her hilarious essays while I was eating donuts. She had not (bless her heart). I re-read yesterday’s post, and moved on to the ever fab M21 and Decorno. After that, a décor post was out of the question, because, really? What could I say that they have not said better?

I know Karey at Mackin Ink is away on vacation but that did not stop me. The lucky LIL’ Bee is getting her buzz on in Florida. Good to know, yes? The Drunken Housewife is having a bit less fun at Martha’s Vineyard. Dad Gone Mad is back from Vegas. Are you detecting a theme here? After a little searching, I came up with this. The StarLux Hotel on the Jersey shore. This might make an interesting entry. Who wouldn’t love a humidity infused week in an Airstream trailer complete with a Bar-B Que grill and metal lawn chairs? On second thought, I wouldn't. Scratch the StarLux.

At this point, my hour was almost over. There was no need to rush. I took the opportunity to visit Bluestreak in Spain, L in Pittsburgh, Melissa in Utah and Simple Answer who is on her way to Jordan. The whirlwind trip ended with a shower but, still nothing to write.

Nothing rant worthy occurred at the office. At lunch I went to Citizen Of the Month where Neil (Who is in New York visiting his mother) has a brilliant Interview Experiment in progress. I suggest you check it out. Please do not mention Levi’s Dockers while you are there, as Neil’s hair may catch on fire and I certainly would not want to be responsible. The trip to New York made me homesick. I went to Barb’s at FosterDesignHouse in Kansas. Barb has no idea how lucky she is that I am five hundred miles away and will not be able to attend the scrap party at her house next month. Another hour had passed with no blog post.

Surprisingly the drive home from work was uneventful (No flying refrigerators). No fodder for a snarky diatribe (shit). I called BFSK S. (Best friend since kindergarten) she is always good for some inspiration. What I came away with was some enlightening information on the anal glands of Toy Poodles. Umm..Nothing exciting about anal glands. No luck there.

Mr. Fussy Pants (My OCD, ADD Boss) called six times after work with orders of wireless verbal abuse for me to carry out. It only took about ten minutes to make his newest Realtor cry and hang up on me. I had more free time to work on my blog post. I thought about crafting a humorous entry about sniveling Realtors, but, seriously? This is not newsworthy.

I had a few minutes to catch up at kirtsy before Ashley Paige Bikini Or Bust (Who I totally expected to hate but surprisingly do not). came on TLC. I am interested in the recent BlogHer event even though I would never attend. It would only reaffirm my social ineptitude, my lack of writing skills and my poor fashion choices. I must say however, that after seeing this, my wardrobe looks a little more acceptable. Anyway, this article caught my eye, which led me here, which made me laugh aloud. Then I remembered Old House Junkies gentle reminder that I had resolved to be nicer. I quickly clicked away and silently apologized for my indiscretion (After bookmarking the site). I felt compelled to see for myself how someone would react to being publicly called out by the Madonna of the blogosphere (Note, that I did not say Jesus or Santa Claus) I must say I was impressed.

(edited to add: After re-reading this, I think it sounds way bitchier than intended. The point was supposed to be that in my opinion, a conference for women, about women, should be memorable for things other than those listed above, as I am sure that it was. I just didn't see those posts. My apologies)

After Ashley Paige, I attempted to finish another chapter in the horrid summer novel (which shall remain nameless) I am struggling to finish. I have a personal rule that I must read any book I start to the end-- No matter what. This is my third poor choice of the summer. I briefly considered a post asking all of my readers (both of you) to suggest a GOOD book. I decided my fragile ego could not handle the possibility that no one would respond. Scratch the reading list post.

If I had a cute kid or a dog that was not black, (she does not show up in pictures). I could have copped out and posted a photo with a quippy caption just to get it over with, already. I envy Mommy bloggers and Naked Jen because they have cute kids and interesting pets. Me, not so much. I briefly considered a naked photo of myself but quickly scrapped the idea. I cannot do that to you.

At 11:45 PM, I gave up. Color me orange. The clock is about to strike Midnight. There will be no tales of Wicked Step-Mothers or Fairy Godmothers or Prince Hotty –Pants Charming today. I will be back sweeping cinders amongst pumpkins and mice with my crappy novel and cable TV. Thank you all, for letting me spend a day with you. I enjoyed my summer vacation.


Out-T.

17 comments:

Neil said...

That was one of the best blog posts about nothing that I have ever read.

Nice legs in the photo, if they are yours.

Tobi said...

Thanks Neil (I think?!) Sadly those are not my legs. I have chicken legs.

Barb said...

I don't consider myself lucky for missing a visit from you... I'm sure it would spice up the day!
BTW... I may be considering your previous offer regarding my evil boss... I'm sure tp'ing and farming the front yard would be out of the question, but maybe you've got some wicked-lovely ideas? :)

Tobi said...

I would be a poor guest at your scrap party. I eat paste. Wicked I am better at.

Ry said...

Awesome post. You had writer's block but you still wrote. Fantastic! Glad I found your blog!

Bluestreak said...

for having nothing that was pretty damn good and now I have a bunch of stuff to look at. Thx.

L said...

You're brilliant and hilarious, and I can't imagine a day without visiting your blog.

Glad you stopped by mine. Some days I don't have anything interesting to say, but just saying something, even if it's dreadfully un-interesting, makes me feel a little less loser-ish, you know?

Also, SO glad you're not in prison after the "peeing" incident. Phew!

with love from Pittsburgh...

Tobi said...

Ry- Thank you, Welcome!

BS-Do you ever have these days? Sux.

L.- No jail time, just a stern waening and the threat of a $50 fine.

Tobi said...

L- I am not sure what a "stern waening" is. It sounds similar to a severe waxing-- only worse. I meant W.A.R.N.I.N.G

Old House Junkie said...

Tobi, your link to account's of BlogHer were much more interesting than the newsbit I read about it. No mention of bitchiness was given in the "official" version.

I had planned to go to the grocery store tonight, now I'm gonna have to follow all those links to get the info on Dooce (whoever she is). I'm sure she'd be sorely disappointed to know that some of us never heard of her.

My one burning question is: Now what am I going to have tomorrow for breakfast, not to mention lunch? OHJ

Tobi said...

OHJ- Sorry about the grocery store. Starbucks and What-A-Burger maybe?

Joyce said...

Have you read Bel Canto by Ann Patchett? It's not a new book, but it is one of my favorites. Oh, and by the way, I get a kick out of your blog. :)

Tobi said...

Joyce- I am on my way to Amazon now. If you need a list of books NOT to read this summer let me know!

Joyce said...

Now you've made me curious. I want to know what to avoid reading!

Tobi said...

Joyce- The temptation to spill my guts is almost overwhelming. I will say that re-releasing an old novel with a new cover is irritating.

Melissa said...

Tobi, Thanks for stopping by, too bad I have been having major writers block (I'm guessing that you call it that even when you don't consider yourself a writer...). One of these days I will get back into the blogging daily habit. I've thought about doing a 100 days type of thing too, but thinking is as far as it has ever got me!

Tobi said...

Melissa- I am not sure what to call this particular "block" I am leaning toward "I have nothing to say,so please put me out of my misery by bludgeoning me with a concrete block"-block. It has a ring to it don't you think?