Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A Fly On The Wall

Various conversations overheard by a fly on the wall this week:

Me to customer on the phone: "If you think Jesus will tell you whether or not 7% is a good interest rate--He won't. If you think my fear of Jesus and eternal damnation will force me to offer you a lower interest rate--It won't. Go ahead and pray about it, and call me back. Oh, Don't forget to tell Jesus it's a fixed rate."

Me to Sugar Daddy (The boyfriend formerly known as Doo-Doo Head): "Your girlfriend is having a birthday this month, you should shop early for best selection!" Sugar Daddy to Me: "My girlfriend's birthday is not until November."

Customer to me in office: "That was no repo! I told them to come pick that car up."

Me to Mr. Fussy Pants (My OCD, ADD Boss): "Just eat the damn cheeseburger! I am positive that no one touched it."

BFSK S. (Best friend since kindergarten) to me on phone: "Do you think it is abusive to beat a teenager with a shoe?" Me to BFSK: "Only if it's an ugly shoe"

Me to Vivian (The obstinate poodle) :If you pee on my carpet one more time, I swear I will send you to the glue factory!" Vivian to me: Blink..Blink.


Me To Clerk At Convenience Store: " What do you mean you only card people under forty? Fuck you!"

Me To ATM Machine: "Dollar Yo, Lay the ten, Come to mama, Baby needs a new pair of shoes!"

Man To Me On The Phone: "My previous address? Well, for most of the last three years I have lived under a bridge. Me To Man: " Ha-Ha" Man To Me: " You got something against homeless people, lady?" Me To Man: "Yes."

Me To Jesus: "Sorry about the Jesus comment today, but 7% really is the best interest rate that woman's going to get. You know that, Right? Would you mind telling her?"

Out-T.

5 comments:

Barb said...

OMFG! I think my favorite was the first Jesus bit. I can't believe you said that out loud... that is awesome.

Tobi said...

(Hangs Her Head) Yep. I said it. Who prays about an interest rate?? God (Jesus, whoever) is a busy guy.

karey m. said...

i once had a really religious boss {texas}...i swear, at one point during a house hunt, she advised me to pray about it. the it being finding the perfect house.

at the time, my sister was battling cancer and my dad had just died AND my grandmother was told she had only a few months to live.

my exact quote? i don't pray about stupid stuff. she must've spent three damn days trying to change my mindset. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!

man. had forgotten about that.

this was hilarious writing, you. thanks for it.

maison21 said...

you really are too freakin funny.

Tobi said...

Karey- Agree 100%! I cannot risk using prayers for things free will can handle. I am trying to avoid having my reservation in Hades confirmed.

M21--Noooo...You are!