Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Ring, Ring

I am not allowed to answer incoming calls at my office. Apparently, Mr. Fussy Pants (My OCD, ADD boss) is of the opinion that my phone manners could use some improvement. I think that my manners are impeccable. Frankly, I do not understand why he would ever think such a thing, but, he is the boss, so I do not answer the phone.
Usually, that is, until today.

Today all of the incoming lines were ringing at once. I was the only person available. The phone rang. I answered it.

Me: “Fussy and Bitchy Mortgage Associates, how may I help you?
Telemarketer: Can I speak to the person in charge of marketing?
Me: “No”
Telemarketer: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Did you fart?”
Telemarketer: “What?”
Me: “You’re excused. You farted remember? You’re excused.”
Telemarketer: “Who is this?”
Me: “You may address me as Your Majesty”
Telemarketer: “Very funny, who is this? What is your name? Your real name!”
Me: “Elizabeth-- Elizabeth Windsor,”
Telemarketer: “Do you call yourself a professional?”
Me: “Me? No! I may be promiscuous, but I assure you I am no professional. You sir, are the solicitor, not I.”
Telemarketer: “Let me speak to your supervisor.”
Me: “No”
Telemarketer: “I’ll call back.”
Me: “Can’t wait! Tah-Tah…”

Minutes later the phone rings, Fussy answers. I hear Mr. Pants say “Rude? Really? No, there is no one here named Elizabeth. I assure you, I will check in to it”
Me: (shit)
Fussy screams from his office “Which one of you was rude to Bob The (I Sell a Lot of Houses) Realtor when he called a few minutes ago?"
Me: "Don't look at me, I am not allowed to answer the phone."


Petunia Face said...

Oh my. I love you. Is that weird? Yeah, that's weird. Excuse me. (And yes, I did fart, sshhhh).

Tobi said...

S-Love you more. How weird is that?
You can fart on my blog anytime

Barb said...

ROFLMFAO!!! Thank you for lighting up my otherwise crappy evening!!

Old House Junkie said...

Um, Tobi, I think you're backsliding on your resolution to be nicer. You may be getting funnier, but not nicer. Thanks for the laugh. OHJ

Bluestreak said...

sooo funny. I´m sickly sweet on the phone to the point of sarcasm.

Tobi said...

Barb- I hope I added a little snap to your crap! Is it that damn B.O.S.S.? My offer stands. I will shake my finger upon request.

OHJ- You see? This is one of the reasons I appreciate you. I had forgotten all about that damn resolution. Tomorrow will be a nicer day! (Maybe)

BS- I brilliant idea, I wish you would have told me about it sooner! The next time the phone rings, It's mine.

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