I am not allowed to answer incoming calls at my office. Apparently, Mr. Fussy Pants (My OCD, ADD boss) is of the opinion that my phone manners could use some improvement. I think that my manners are impeccable. Frankly, I do not understand why he would ever think such a thing, but, he is the boss, so I do not answer the phone.
Usually, that is, until today.
Today all of the incoming lines were ringing at once. I was the only person available. The phone rang. I answered it.
Me: “Fussy and Bitchy Mortgage Associates, how may I help you?
Telemarketer: Can I speak to the person in charge of marketing?
Telemarketer: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Did you fart?”
Me: “You’re excused. You farted remember? You’re excused.”
Telemarketer: “Who is this?”
Me: “You may address me as Your Majesty”
Telemarketer: “Very funny, who is this? What is your name? Your real name!”
Me: “Elizabeth-- Elizabeth Windsor,”
Telemarketer: “Do you call yourself a professional?”
Me: “Me? No! I may be promiscuous, but I assure you I am no professional. You sir, are the solicitor, not I.”
Telemarketer: “Let me speak to your supervisor.”
Telemarketer: “I’ll call back.”
Me: “Can’t wait! Tah-Tah…”
Minutes later the phone rings, Fussy answers. I hear Mr. Pants say “Rude? Really? No, there is no one here named Elizabeth. I assure you, I will check in to it”
Fussy screams from his office “Which one of you was rude to Bob The (I Sell a Lot of Houses) Realtor when he called a few minutes ago?"
Me: "Don't look at me, I am not allowed to answer the phone."